New Year, New Blog

I have tried blogging in the past, but never really got into it... Guess I didn't really have much to say. NOW, however, I have SOOOOO much to say!... I guess you could say becoming a mom has turned my world upside down. I guess I will make this first post on my new blog an intro to ME...

I am 26 years old, I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and I am daily learning to lean on him. I am a wife (of nearly 5 years) to my amazing husband, Juan. I am a mother (of nearly 5 months) to my beautiful son Carter James (hereafter referred to as "CJ"). I come from a home w/ two parents who did the best that they could & who remained married "til death, DID, them part"... My mom died on July 1, 2009 after fighting for 10 months against gleoblastoma (sp?) ... brain cancer. It was the most difficult experience of my life, and continues to be. My dad is still living and is the best I could've asked for and more. He stood by my mom through everything, took care of her through her sickness, and was there with her when the Lord called her home... I don't know what I will do when the Lord calls him up... don't want to think about it... Exactly a month before my mom died (June 1, 2009), we lost our first baby (I was 12 weeks along), which at the time I thought would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to go through... little did I know... I also have two sisters, one older, one younger. And, if it is possible, we are all polar opposites. We have our few similarities, generally physical, but for the most part we are totally different. My younger sister also just had a baby recently, a boy, and he is about 1 1/2 months old now.

In the last year I have had over 20 friends and or family members have babies, and I have learned so much through my own experiences and through watching others, and the main thing I've learned is: none of us are perfect. However, I really feel like the moms in the past (previous generations, I guess) have really tried to make it seem easy to "do it all". It was necessary to appear perfect at all times, totally together, house spotless, children perfectly dressed & well behaved, perfect relationships w/ their husbands, etc etc etc... well, folks: Parenthood & Marriage are NOT perfect!... It's not always pretty and fun and easy and beautiful... some days I get pooped on, other days I get in arguments with my husband, and guess what? I have about 4 loads of clean, unfolded laundry laying on my couch just waiting for me to have time to do it (suppose I could be doing that now instead of blogging...). I am here to say: we are not perfect and that's ok. Let's start being honest with eachother so that we don't have to feel alone. When we lost our baby, I felt SO alone, I felt like it shouldn't be so hard, and people just brush it off like the baby wasn't real or something... It is moments like that that I hope to someday help someone else through.

So.... Follow me if you want to hear about the true journey of a wife & mother who isn't afraid to show her imperfections... hopefully we will all learn and laugh along the way. May God bless you today.