Our birth story... Can't believe it's been a year!

A first birthday! I have heard lots of opinions on the subject... Everything from: don't have one, they won't remember, to: it's the biggest, most important birthday, you have to go all out! I think we have comfortably settled somewhere in the middle. We absolutely want to celebrate Carter's first birthday & ALSO celebrate that Juan & I have successfully completed a year of parenthood (which is crazy hard, and ridiculously rewarding)! We are having a backyard pool party/bbq (although based on our rsvps we are probably just going to boil the dogs to save time). Juan is currently doing yard work to make our pretty plain yard an enjoyable birthday party yard... we'll see! ;) I have been busy making Carter's Happy Birthday sign myself (to save money, but my my my, it sure is not saving time), hopefully it will turn out as great as I'm hoping! (I did, however leave out the "1st" in the sign so it just says: "Happy Birthday Carter!", which will allow us to reuse it and justify the massive amount of time it's taking...) We also did the food/drink/paper product shopping yesterday, and I think it's funny that people look at us like we're going to eat 125 hot dogs and 10 2 liters of soda... hello! We're having a party, don't judge Winco checker! Enough about that, here's our birth story as I remember it:

1. Monday, August 9, 2010 @ 2:05 pm: water breaks (when Juan finally got home about 30 minutes later, it took us over 2 hours to pack our bag, which we didn't use. At all!)
1. 5:00pm: arrive @ Saint Agnes Medical Center, check in, and are directed to sit in the hall way to wait to be checked (in a platic chair, while amniotic fluid is pouring out of me... we sat there for about 4 hours, I believe, meanwhile, they took in 3 women for non-stress tests who were NOT in labor, I wanted to kick someone in the face. Although, luckily I was only really feeling my contractions in my back, and it wasn't too painful. yet.)
2. FINALLY got "checked" to see if I had in fact ruptured (which made me mad, but I know they "have to" do that) around 9pm. My water had, in fact, broken, but I was only dilated to a 1, which put me as a low priority to get into a room, so I hung out in triage on a very hard, small gurney, the frustration builds...
3. I think I finally got into a room around 10pm, and was quickly checked, told I wasn't progressing, and was promptly hooked up to a pitocin (sp?) drip... THAT is when the real pain began for me... My contractions went from being several minutes apart and not too painful to about a minute or two apart and insanely painful! I also had to pee a lot, so I was back & forth to the restroom, with Juan "walking" me there, as I had several contractions on the way there & back. Although every time I got to the bathroom, it was such a relief to sit on the toilet that I didn't want to go back to the bed. Each time Juan had to convince me to get up and walk back. This continued w/ family & friends streaming in and out for a few hours, before it got REALLY intense.
4. Around 3am my nurse checked me again to find that I was only at a 2! Seriously? I had been in labor for 13 hours with little to no progression and I was in crazy pain! With each contraction I became more tense, and tired, and scared. And at this point I had had no drugs at all (which is what we wanted), but the nurse was beginning to suggest that I consider either some pain meds or an epidural. She explained that the clock was ticking (24 hours after water breaks, that baby needs to be out), and she didn't want to see me have a c-section. I told her I was fine, and she left the room. It was at this point that Juan told me: "you are going to get one of the two, so decide." He could see what I couldn't: I wasn't breathing through my contractions AT ALL, I was just tensing up and holding my breath, and not allowing my body to do what it was supposed to. We talked more to the nurse about the risks for the baby, and after hearing that the pain meds (which I was leaning towards) would transfer to Carter, I hesitantly decided to have an epidural (at about 4 am). It was AMAZING! I know some people probably think I "cheated", but it really saved our labor.
5. Within 30 minutes (after repeatedly thanking the Anesthesiologist and telling him he's amazing and whatever he's being paid, it isn't enough), I was asleep. (so was Juan) We got to sleep for a solid 3 hours. That 3 hours felt like 3 days; the BEST sleep I've ever had! My nurse came in to check me around 6:50 or so for the last time (as her shift ended at 7am). She wasn't expecting much, but was hoping I'd be around a 4 or 5 since I was able to relax for a few hours. To her surprise, I was at a 10! After all my hard work, all my body need was sleep to progress. She quickly left the room to call the dr.
6. She came back and explained that my Dr wanted me to "labor down" since it was my first delivery and she didn't want me to tear from trying to push too soon. She said the Dr was on her way, but there was no rush. Then, she opened the curtains to let the light of the sun in. Which, of course (if you are at all familiar w/ my pregnancy), prompted me to throw up, twice. She decided to check me one last time before leaving for the day, only to find that I was crowning. She said that the muscles used in vomiting are similar to those used to "push" during labor, well, yeah... that worked. She explained that her shift was over and that the new nurse was here and my Dr should be arriving shortly...
1. It was at this point that the family (my sis Sarah & my aunt Janie) came up as it was finally "morning", to see how we were doing, only to find out that it was "GO" time.
2. The new nurse came in (I didn't care for her much, but oh well...) She asked if everyone in the room was staying... I looked up at sarah & janie & I swear they both had: "please don't make us leave" looks on their faces, so I said they could stay, but that they'd have to stay up by my head. 
3. Suddenly the room turned into quite a busy place. Lots more equipment, nurses, lights, etc. Busily rushing around setting things up. Once everything was set, the new nurse decided we should try a couple "practice" pushes (this was around 7:30am). She pulled the bottom out of the bed, got my legs up in the stir-ups, Juan holding one leg, and I have no idea who was holding the other. and then she pulled the sheet all the way up and off my legs. I quickly grabbed that blanket and held it up over my knees (trying to be modest always), and she said: "honey, that can't stay there..." But I still held it there as long as I could... After practicing pushing once, she said I didn't need practice! And, that we better wait til the dr gets there to try again.
4. That must've been her cue, because in she walked. She took one look and got her "catching gear" on. My dr told me that I was ready to push, and wanted me to pace myself (as w/ first babies, women can be pushing for hours). We waited for my next contraction to begin, and then I pushed w/ everything I had. She said I did a good job, and we waited for the next contraction. I pushed one more time and she said I was going to need an episiotomy (those were the dreaded words...), she got set up for that, and I told her to please tell me before she does it because I don't want to be shocked by the pain. At that, she informed me she was already done. Ok, one more push, and we will have a baby! I pushed one more time w/ all that I had, and out came Carter's head, which she let me touch. I pushed a bit more and out came his shoulders, and then the rest of his body. Everyone was happy and crying, and Juan looked stunned. I kept asking: "is he a boy? he's a boy, right?" finally she turned him around so I could see all of him! then put him up on my chest; all bloody, and yucky. He was the most beautiful little mess I'd ever seen.
5. I got to hold him for awhile before they took him over to the sink to clean him up while I got stitched up. Then Juan brought him back over to me... He was SO tiny. Smaller than any baby I'd ever seen before... but SO long and he had the cutest little feet. He also had SO MUCH hair! he had hair all over his head, face, ears, back, etc... Juan said: "I've never seen a baby w/ side burns before"... The proud daddy quickly took video of Carter on the warmer and uploaded to FB to share our little guy w/ the world near and far! He was 5 lb. 14 oz. 19 3/4 in. long... And perfect in every way!

What a journey... and here we are a year later! Can't believe my tiny little baby boy is a giant nearly 1 year old now! Happy Labor day! ;) And tomorrow: Carter's first birthday!

more hospital pics below:

To Infinity & Beyond!

Well, let me just say it: I suck at keeping up w/ this blog... It was cathartic in the beginning, and now, my kids is ALL over the place all the time, and although I have lots of blog thoughts throughout the day, the truth is: nothing seems all that profound or share-able... BUT, here's what's going on with us:

Juan sold his business! Wahoo! Out from under what he was beginning to see as a dead end. Now, he is looking for a job. Hoping for a management position, possibly in retail or restaurant... He would like to work for a company that has great pay, benefits (for whole fam), paid vacation, etc. We are praying for God to make a way for us, as he always has. For now, Juan is working on his honey-do list and rocking it out! I am enjoying having him around (as he's been working crazy hours since Carter was born). Carter is getting super spoiled w/ all the Daddy time; wondering how he's going to deal when Juan does go back to work...? Our laundry is done! Like all washed, dried, folded, and put away in 1 day! That would not be possible w/out Juan home. And: I am getting to cook 3 meals a day-- also was SO not happening when Juan was working.

I am working out! Hate to admit it since there is no apparent evidence of it in my body yet. BUT putting it out there provides some element of accountability. I am walking every morning (w/ Carter in our awesome new jogging stroller), 1-2 miles or so a day. Also, doing Turbo Jam (don't judge). I got the dvds a LONG time ago, and am just now using them. Realizing that my body is a temple and I have not been treating it that way. I want to be healthy and active and HAPPY w/ my body. I don't think I have EVER been happy with my body... even in high school when I was in great shape I felt fat and ugly... Well, no more! I am going to work hard to get the healthy body that God designed and stop hiding behind this fatty crap. (wow... that's more than I planned to share)

Carter is going to be 1 next month! How did that happen?... My baby is ginormous! He has switched from baby food to table food in the last week. One day he just refused to be fed. He is doing really well w/ table food. Mostly veggies, fruit, cheese, meat, yogurt, cereal, noodles, etc. He is "walking" a bit. On Sunday he took 4 step 2 separate times. I am just waiting for the day that he will just stand up and walk across the room to me. He is super smart and funny. He has just starting a fake laugh. Which is SO freakin' hilarious. If we are laughing he will do his little fake laugh w/ a total cheese face that shows he knows exactly what he's doing. Also, he has started to "share" his food with Coal. He will eat a couple peas, then ever so subtly (so he thinks) he will hang his hand over the side of his high chair tray and drop one on the ground to Coal who is waiting less-than-patiently below. It is super cute, but I also know he shouldn't be doing that...

Well, as I type he has woken from his nap and is yelling: "mamamamamamama!!!!!!!" So, now you know why I don't blog often anymore! :)

Love to you all, may God bless you today!

Here's the little cutie himself in his toy basket &  not so sure about it....

Tomorrow; Disbelief

I just went through some pictures of my mom, and I found myself just staring at her asking: Where are you?... She looks so happy and healthy & like she's about to say something. It's still unbelievable to me that she's gone. Tomorrow will be 2 years since she left this earth... My grandpa's memorial service brought back so many memories of my mom's and it was pretty hard to bare. I can only imagine how my dad & his sisters & of course my grandma must've been feeling. I just keep thinking: How can this be? Logically, I know she's gone; I saw her die... BUT: that wasn't my mother lying in that bed, it was a shell of her... I miss her so much it hurts today. Looking at pictures of her holding me when I was just a baby... I realize how much she loved me (even when I was in high school and was sure she just wanted me to be miserable because she wouldn't let me go somewhere or do something I wanted). The love between a mother and her child is like nothing I've ever felt. I wish I could just see her one more time. Or hear her sing... Oh to hear her sing again! Most kids' mothers read them stories at bedtime, you'd go pick your favorite book and crawl up in her lap as she read to you. My mom let us choose any song we wanted and she'd sing us to sleep. Gosh, I miss that. And I miss knowing exactly what song the choir would be singing and what songs were going to be part of worship on Sunday-- because Mom had been playing them on the piano all week long and singing and teaching them to us. I miss when my dad would go out of town and it was GIRLS NIGHT at our house. We'd get to pick out girly movies, treats, and even sleep in bed w/ my Mom (which never happened otherwise...) I remember her cheering at my basketball games, and I knew it was her because she couldn't get the normal sports fan yell out, it always sounded so dainty: "Weouw!"... not even sure how to spell her cheering sound... I remember the countless hours she spent "prinping" us for church... bath, blow dry, comb, sponge rollers, curling irons, more brushing... it was painful and I hated it, but secretly, I loved it. I remember watching her do her makeup every morning, sitting on her bed, w/ a handheld mirror (which is how I've always done mine, too...), she took such care to make sure everything was perfect. I miss all these things. Mom, my life is not the same without you. I miss you every day and wish I could just see you, or hear your voice.

Grandpa

My Grandpa is the kind of man who everyone seems to know, or know of.... He was a preacher (the best I've seen/heard, and I've heard a lots of good preaching!).

He was what you might call "strict". He had very high standards for himself, his children, his grandchildren, your children, you... you get the picture. I remember learning about "the fear of the Lord" and wondering why we should fear someone that was supposed to be so loving, who wanted only the best for us, who was so perfect and good...? And I don't remember if someone told me this or I just came up with it on my own (at roughly 6 years of age), but my Grandpa became an example of "holy fear" at work. I knew he loved me, but I also knew he'd spank me if I stepped out of line. He was a no nonsense kind of guy.

Then there was a completely different side of him; the one I'd see whenever my Grandma walked into the room. He suddenly turned to sappy mush. He called her "mama", "sugar", "sweetheart", "my bride", and others I'm sure, I just can't think of them right now... And have you ever seen a couple in their sixties with the wife sitting on the husband's lap while watching t.v. or reading the paper? How bout seeing a man in his 70s pat his wife on the bottom? They were the PERFECT example of a love that never ends... They were so much in love and it was so obvious. He adored her. I don't know how many times he had to propose to her before she finally said yes. They were like something you think would only exist in movies.

He was also very generous. When I took Juan for the "meet the family" trip the first time, his car broke down in Los Angeles and he didn't have the cash to get it fixed. He was going to try to arrange to have it towed to Fresno, I believe, but without telling Juan my Grandpa had taken care of it. Had it repaired and paid for it all. He did things like this regularly... and usually quietly. He also generously offered to pay to have my tattoos removed, but that's a different story...

He was a huge sports fan! He came to several of my & Sarah's basketball games (mostly Sarah's since she played a lot longer than I did and was MUCH better), and keep in mind they lived in Long Beach at the time and we are in Fresno. He did the same for all of our cousins. He was present and supportive and motivating, and sometimes a bit vocal (which my Dad obviously picked up, which you'd know if you'd ever been to one of my or my sisters' games/meets).

He was also a man of routine. Same breakfast every day (half of a grapefruit), read the paper cover to cover (in near silence), had the same food in the fridge/cupboard/pantry every time we went to visit (I know that's probably more Grandma than Grandpa, but still). We could always count on individually wrapped mini boxes of breakfast cereal, home-made chex mix, and raisin bread.

He knew a lot about a lot and taught me some about some...

He was very special to me. My most treasured picture w/ him was when I was about 4 years old and I was sitting on his lap while he read me a story... If I can find it, I'll post it later...

Did I Eat Today?!...

As a busy Mommy, I often find myself wondering around 5:30 (when I'm making CJ's dinner) if I've eaten all day. It's usually around 5 or so that I start feeling a little light-headed, tired, and shaky and I have to replay my day in my mind. It usually goes something like this:

-I woke up
-BF CJ
-Fed CJ solid breakfast
-Played w/ CJ while trying to clean up, check email, work, etc.
-Put CJ down for a nap
-Took a shower
-Put some laundry in
-Picked up toys in living room
-Payed bills, checked amazon for next diaper shipment, FB... always FB throughout the day
-Got CJ up from nap
-BF CJ
-Fed CJ solid lunch
-Watch THE TALK
-Play w/ CJ (try to practice walking, talking, etc)
-Look at the clock and realize Daddy will be home soon & scramble to get the house picked up so he doesn't come home to a complete mess of a house
-Put CJ down for nap
-Figure out what to make for dinner
-Talk with Juan about his day
-Make any necessary work plans (meetings, shows, phone calls, etc)
-Get CJ up from his nap
-Skype (w/ Dad, Hannah, Sarah, or Megan)
-Make dinner for CJ
-Make dinner for us....

Nope! Didn't eat today... Dang!

And I know: It's so important to eat while breastfeeding, since CJ is pulling so much of his nourishment from my body! (believe me, I know!... that's why I am so weak by the end of the day)

SO here's to remembering to eat! Oh, and to drink water! Lots and lots of water!!! I will try to be better about this...

Clearly he's being fed! :)

Ever wonder if you're THAT person...?

I have been constantly wondering that lately...  By that person I mean: the person who's not quite right... that you are nice to, but don't really click with... that you "know" but don't really want to know... Someone who complains too much or is just plain annoying... someone that you are kind to because you feel guilty not doing so... a "project"... someone who you know doesn't have it all together... not the brightest crayon in the box... or the sharpest tool in the shed... someone whose calls you dread and whose emails you "lose"... the person who calls to invite you to something and you can always think of an excuse not to go... someone who's just weird or makes you feel weird but you can't quite put your finger on why... someone you have to walk on egg shells around... who says things that make you cringe... whose parenting is disappointing... whose house is never clean enough, and cooking is never good enough... someone who just needs help, but you are SO not the person to give it... I would venture to guess that we all have someone in our lives who falls into this category, and we avoid them like the plague, but do you ever stop to wonder if for someone else, it's YOU?... It's ME... I hope I'm not that person, but if I am, I'm sorry... and you can be honest with me... i'm not made of mooshy marshmallow cream or fragile eggs... I can take it.

Where do the days go?...

Well.........
You may have noticed that I haven't been blogging much lately. That's because I have a nine month old who keeps my hands full! I used to watch the clock all day waiting for the end of the work day when Juan would be coming home... Now, I am surprised when I hear his truck pull in the driveway, because I realize that another day is gone. Most days I forget to eat lunch because Carter is such a busy bee. He wakes up around 8, I breastfeed him, then we play until 9, and he eats his "solid" breakfast (oatmeal and fruit)
(sorry i had to take a break as he is grabbing the laptop & climbing up on my lap...)
then we play until 10 or 10:30, then it's nap time (which has only been lasting about 30 minutes for the past week or so), that nap time is when I eat, clean up a bit, fold laundry, decide what I'm going to make for dinner and take out any nec